Well, the Dallas Cowboys are winners for the first time in this 2014 season! And the spirits are already flowing!
We've got the Cowboys Defense talking as if they're the second coming of Doomsday I & II, as well as Jimmy Johnson's top-ranked version of the 90's, all in one unit.
Then you've got the media, including all the so called professionals who should know better, leading the charge, practically agreeing with everything the Cowboys players are saying. Objective, unbiased reporting and analysis anyone?
Well, I say the media is leading the charge. Actually, that's not quite the case. The media is really following the inebriating trail of Jerry Jones. His 200 proof, vintage, smooth sipping Koolaid, aged all of 24 hours, has found a comfortable home among this close-knit group known as Jerryholics Anonymous. They trail Jones like the faithful all-in-one Bartender-Brewery Magnet he has become, afraid that too many hours without Jerry's special brew will lead them into the vast world of sanity most others experience on a daily basis. God Forbid!
Before we proceed any further, let's perform a Public Service Identification for all forced to suffer their personal space invaded by such second hand dribble this contingent of snared drunkards conspire to peddle as inspired journalism. We start with that bastion of Cowboys' informational integrity from Dallascowboys.com led by ole timer Mickey Spagnola. At one time a professional sports journalist beyond reproach among the likes of Randy Galloway, Frank Luksa and Blackie Sherrod, he now spends his time supporting all things Jerry & the Cowboys by offering the most incredible litany of excuses worthy of the most hardened Jerryholic, then accepting payment from Jerry's ever increasing vault of cash. Journalistic objectivity? Not that would be noticed!
After that comes the DallasCowboys.com underlings such as Nick Eatman, Bryan Broaddus, Rowan Kavner, David Helman, Derek Eagleton, Ed Cahill and Shannon Gross. They are simply paid patsy's of Jerry's and slovenly regurgitate the official utterances from the distillery at Valley Ranch, acting as human breathalyzers for the public to determine the specific level of inebriation being offered for consumption. Accurate reporting? About as much as you could expect from staff drunkards!
Next up are the local Newspaper Journalists, Columnists and Cowboys beat writers. They include, Rick Gosselin, Tim Cowlishaw, David Moore, Kevin Sherington, Jerry Fraley, Barry Horn, Gil LeBreton, Mac Engel, Clarence Hill Jr., Charean Williams and Drew Davison. This group includes some notable personalities known for their NFL expertise as well as concise reporting and analysis. But it seems that tenure has seen many imbibing for so long that Cirrhosis of the Reporter has set in. Too much of Jerry's Brew for too long has seen their Journalistic Liver unable to adequately process the impurities of Jerry's World. This condition finds them tender and unwilling to take in anything not offered through journalistic feeding tubes. Consistent Substance? Nah. Just public pablum!
Next up are the Local and National Television Network Affiliate anchors and analysts along with Local and National Radio Talk Show hosts. This highly visible and audible group may be the most hardened members of JA simply because they employ the most widely consumed broadcast mediums which, not only provide broad avenues for the high ratings Jerry covets, but also instant inebriation for the masses. Jerry readily admits that he monitors the media more than anyone else. What good Brewmaster wouldn't keep tabs on the public response, as well as the entire spectrum of transportation options available to directly deliver that special Brew the public craves. And deliver Jerry Brew they do!
This group is too numerous to mention them all, so I will limit this list to the Television and Cable Networks. ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, ESPN, ESPN1, ESPN2, ESPN3, ESPNU, CNN, FOX SPORTS1, NFL NETWORK, CBS SPORTS NETWORK, NBC SPORTS NETWORK, etc.
All of the above tend to form a very loyal, cohesive group, and at best, exist as incestuous parasites, living off of each other with Jerry's Boot Leg Brew providing the common sustenance while inbreeding genetically ingrained cohorts for Jerry's Recovery group. While a few abide on the fringes, offering opinion and analysis that borders on viable, the overall tendency is to remain true to the brand of Brew Jerry provides while offering an obtuse viewpoint for entertainment purposes only. The entertainment drama Jerry readily provides generally trumps hard cold facts, especially if those facts disagree with Jerry's official viewpoint in any way.
Such is the state of stupor the Jerryholic Media currently finds itself in. One Cowboys win has them staggering over each other to report the return of Jerry's 'Boys and their vaunted Defense. One mediocre win and the Cowboys are Super Bowl bound!
Of course, I must mention the one personality to escape this fellowship of Jerry's. Yes, Randy Galloway is the only one able to grab his cigars, nag betting lines, bottle of Jose Cuervo and find the nearest retirement exit. Battered and scarred from Jerry's repeated attempts to convert him to his select group of Brew Master assistants, Randy has faithfully executed his duties without succumbing to the enticements of perpetual inebriation. Randy has performed the journalistic equivalent of Drinking Responsibly by ending a long career as a faithful soldier should, finishing the battle, but on his terms, not Jerry's.
And what do we attribute as the key to Randy's success and survival? Was he just too smart? C'mon, Randy would be the first to nix that idea. Good looking? I think Randy has spoken many time over the years about that issue! Was he too tough for Jerry? Nah! He's not the combative type!
Randy Galloway has been one thing that Jerry Jones has not consistently been over the years. The word is "sober."
And sobriety, devoid of any of Jerry's flowing spirits, resides in reality, which is where the Cowboys and the rest of the media need to return to as quickly as possible!
Here's to sobriety!
